by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
During the month of Elul, we are sending out daily e-meditations. We hope that our messages on the Viddui prayer and the shofar will help to focus your preparation for High Holidays and deepen your heshbon hanefesh, personal inventory and reflection.
Day 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28
DAY
ONE - INTRODUCTION TO VIDDUI
by Rabbi Debra
Orenstein
Ten times during Yom Kippur, we recite the confessional (in Hebrew, viddui,
sometimes also called the ashamnu prayer). In this familiar acrostic,
the first letter of each sin named corresponds to a letter of the Hebrew
alphabet, with the final letter of the alphabet repeated, for a total
of 23 sins. It's as if to say, God, we know our shortcomings run from
a to z.; please forgive us. The ashamnu, together with the al chet (a
longer recitation of sins), gives us common wording, spoken repeatedly
in community. We list our sins in the plural because we pray corporately,
taking responsibility for the society we have jointly created, and supporting
our fellows and comrades. The plurality ensures that no one is embarrassed
by being singled out. The repetition ensures that no one is able to ignore
the call or retreat into denial. Ten times over, the liturgy asks us to
consider: how does each of these sins apply in my life?
Rabbi Max Artz wrote
of the viddui: "These confessions are prompted by the belief that
sin distorts and diminishes the divine image in which man was created."
Over the course of Elul and the Days of Awe, may our prayers resonate in your heart, call to your awareness what needs to be healed, and inspire you to make positive changes. Let the divinity in you that is now encumbered be released, in all its glory.
DAY
ONE VIDDUI MEDITATION by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "Is there anything in my behavior
or thoughts that is now distorting or diminishing what is holy in me?"
Close the notebook and put it away. Set the alarm for five to fifteen
minutes. During that time, sit quietly, breathe deeply, and see what comes
up. If you become distracted, return your focus either to your breath
or to the question. When the alarm sounds (and only then), open your eyes
and make some notes about how you felt and/or any specific thoughts that
you remember. Even if you didn't "get an answer" or even if
you forget some insights you had, the question has planted a seed, and
it will bear good fruit.
DAY TWO - INTRODUCTION TO
ASHAMNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Ashamnu is often translated as "We are guilty." That translation
can be misleading, because "guilt" for American Jews can signifying
an over-weaning or inappropriate sense of responsibility. Worse yet, guilt
can be understood as "that which others unfairly ascribe to you,
as a manipulation." Ashamnu means "we are culpable." We
have, indeed, done wrong this year. Let's not shy away from that, or excuse
it too readily. If we are to heal our wrongs, first we have to acknowledge
them.
DAY
TWO - ASHAMNU MEDITATION by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I am fully responsible for everything
I think and do, including how I react to provocation." Sit with that
thought. Look at what you have written. Put the notebook aside. Set the
alarm for five to fifteen minutes. During that time, sit quietly, gently
close your eyes, breathe deeply, and see what comes up. If you become
distracted, return your focus either to your breath or to the statement
you have written. When the alarm sounds (and only then), open your eyes.
You may make some notes about how you felt and/or record any specific
insights that you remember. You may also decide to leave the page blank
except for the heading. Even if you don't see a connection between the
written statement and your thoughts, the affirmation you recorded has
planted a seed, and it will bear good fruit.
DAY THREE - INTRODUCTION TO
BAGADNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bagadnu means we have betrayed. The word for garment or robe has the same
root - b.g.d. The noun and the verb have the idea in common of covering
- covering our bodies with clothing, or covering our true intentions and
hence acting treacherously. How have you been disloyal - and to whom -
by covering things over this year?
DAY
THREE - BAGADNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have betrayed …"
Set the alarm for five minutes. Close your eyes, sit quietly, and breathe
deeply. Observe and release your thoughts. If you become distracted or
mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath. When the
alarm sounds gently open your eyes and reach for your notebook. Do "automatic
writing" for at least another five minutes - i.e., keep your hand
moving across the page filling in the blank. Just write; don't give yourself
time to think. I have betrayed…myself by failing to set limits. I
have betrayed … my employees by withholding information. I have betrayed
… my wife by spinning fantasies that exclude her. I have betrayed
…God by putting other things before Divinity. Keep writing until
the alarm sounds. You don't have to manufacture betrayals, if you don't
feel you have committed any, but certainly use the time to write on the
subject of betrayal from your point of view. The goal is to stop covering
up your awareness of betrayals and cover-ups! At the end of what you have
written, add this sentence: "The cost has been great, but the awareness
is powerful. It will bear good fruit."
DAY FOUR - INTRODUCTION TO
GAZALNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Gazalnu means we have robbed. The root can mean to rob, seize or tear
away. Poignantly, in Job 24:9, g.z.l. is used to describe tearing away
an orphan child from the breast.
DAY
FOUR - GAZALNU MEDITATION by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have robbed, seized, torn
away…" Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly,
close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise,
and promptly release them, to the best of your ability. If you become
distracted, sleepy, or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to
your breath or to the confession. When the alarm sounds, gently open your
eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take your notebook and write:
"How can I replace, restore, mend?" Make some notes on what
you noticed during the meditation and/or in answer to the question. May
your awareness and intentions bear good fruit.
DAY FIVE - INTRODUCTION TO
DIBARNU DOFI by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Dofi means blemish or fault. Dibarnu Dofi means "we have spoken slander,"
but with the implication that we are looking to find fault and perhaps
even relishing the blemishes of others. Even if the blemish or fault we
observe in someone is real, we are guilty of lashon hara (harmful speech
and gossip) when we speak about it to others. Blemishes must be met with
understanding or, occasionally, with loving, private rebuke to the person
in question- not with shame or advertising.
DAY
FIVE - DIBARNU DOFI MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have spoken slander, I have
spoken of blemish and fault." Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes.
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts
as they arise, and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
If you become distracted or sleepy, return your focus to your breath or
to the confession. When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate
yourself to the room. Take your notebook and write down any notes on your
meditation experience. Then write at the top of a fresh page: "Now
let me speak…" and fill in the blank multiple times going down
the page. Now let me speak … truth. Now let me speak …joy. Now
let me speak … praise. Tear out a page from your notebook and write
a brief letter of appreciation or encouragement to someone you know. Neither
the stationery nor the wording need to be perfect. Just make sure to mail
it today. Your thoughts and words are already bearing good fruit.
DAY SIX - INTRODUCTION TO
HE'EVINU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
He'evinu comes from the root a.v.n. meaning trouble, sorrow, or suffering,
as well as sin, wickedness, or idolatry. This verb is in the causative
form: we have caused avon. Sometimes, it is translated as "we have
acted perversely" or "we have caused perversion," because
of the deliberate nature of avon. Ish avon in the Bible is a trouble-maker
or noxious person.
DAY
SIX - HE'EVINU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "How have I created trouble,
sorrow, and suffering through sin this year? What insight do I have now?
What choice can I make now?" Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes.
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts
as they arise, and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
If you become distracted or sleepy, return your focus to your breath,
the confession, or the questions. When the alarm sounds, gently open your
eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take your notebook and make some
notes on your meditation experience. Then do one small task- make a phone
call, set an appointment, order a book from the library - that will put
one of your insights or choices into action. Already, your meditation
is bearing good fruit.
DAY SEVEN - INTRODUCTION TO
VEHIRSHANU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The Hebrew word ra is usually translated as evil or wickedness, but it
can also mean harm. This verb is the causative form, meaning "we
have caused evil and/or harm."
DAY
SEVEN - VEHIRSHANU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "How have I caused harm this
year - by omission and commission, willfully and accidentally, to those
close to me and to strangers?" Sit with that question and consider
each diad. Notice how creative and resourceful we can all be in causing
damage! On the same page, record the following question: "How can
I marshal all my resources to repair and do good?" Set the alarm
for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe
deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise, and promptly release them,
to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal
dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to one of the questions.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Take your notebook and make some notes on your meditation experience.
Then do one task - call a sick (or estranged) friend, send a belated thank
you note, make a donation to tzedakah- that will put any insight or idea
you have gleaned into action. Already, your meditation is bearing good
fruit.
DAY EIGHT - INTRODUCTION TO
ZADNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Zadnu means to behave arrogantly, proudly, or presumptuously. It comes
from a root which also means to boil or to seethe. We think, in English
metaphors, of seething or boiling over with anger, but in the biblical
image we seethe or boil over with pride, which may lead to anger.
DAY
EIGHT - ZADNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "What is boiling up inside me?"
Imagine a cauldron inside you. Look inside to see its contents. Look thoroughly
and attend to details. What temperature is it? What aroma does it give
off? Watch as toxins are released in the vapors and carried off by the
wind. Now set your alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close
your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise, and
promptly release them to the best of your ability. If you become distracted
or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to
the question and your vision of the cauldron. Remain as open as you can.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Take your notebook and make some notes on your meditation experience.
Make or buy yourself some delicious soup today. Know that not only pride
or anger, but also good things are boiling up inside you, ready to emerge.
DAY NINE - INTRODUCTION TO
HAMASNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Hamasnu means "we have been violent." It can refer to physical
violence or to ethical wrongs we commit. Zephaniah 3:4 talks about doing
violence to the Torah, in a spiritual sense.
DAY
NINE - HAMASNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "What people and values have
I done violence to during this past year -in deed, in word, and in thought?"
Set the alarm for five to ten minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and
breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise, and promptly release
them, to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in
internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the question.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Take your notebook and review the question you have written.
Make some notes on what you noticed during the meditation and/or in answer
to the question. Then write: "Cures for violence" as a heading.
Do "automatic writing" for another five minutes - i.e., keep
your hand moving across the page filling in the blank. Just write as many
ideas as you have about cures for violence; don't give yourself time to
think or evaluate. At the end of five minutes, choose two "cures"
you can begin to implement. May your awareness and intentions bear good
fruit.
DAY TEN - INTRODUCTION TO
TAFALNU SHEKER by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Tafalnu sheker means "we have smeared with lies" (see Psalms
119:69). The root t.f.l. can mean to smear or plaster over. So we are
alluding to lies that don't just contradict the truth, but attempt to
cover up or smother it.
DAY
TEN - TAFALNU SHEKER MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "What lies beneath the lies I
have told this year?" Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes.
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts
as they arise, and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus
to your breath or to the question. When the alarm sounds, gently open
your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take your notebook and review
the question you have written. Make some notes on what you noticed during
the meditation and/or in answer to the question. May any truths that have
been covering emerge freely, and may your awareness of them bear good
fruit.
DAY ELEVEN - INTRODUCTION
TO YA'ATZNU RA by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Ya'atznu ra means "we have counseled/advised evil/harm." We
may have given harmful advice, intentionally or unintentionally. We may
have egged someone on, reinforcing their worst instincts.
DAY
ELEVEN - YA'ATZNU RA MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "What does my inner Counselor
say?" Close your eyes and remember a few times when you had a deep,
inner knowing about something important. Recall the physical sensation
of that knowing: was it a sense in your gut? a still small voice? did
you feel it in your heart? There is a wise part of you, connected to Divine
wisdom. Its voice is loving, and speaks for the highest good. Allow that
Counselor to speak to you now about how you have been inviting or encouraging
harm and sin. Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly,
breathe deeply, and listen. Observe your thoughts as they arise, and promptly
release them, to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or
mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath, or ask your
inner counselor "what is your good counsel about my evil counsel?"
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Make some notes on what you gleaned during the meditation. May
you listen well, and may the wisdom already within you bear good fruit.
DAY TWELVE - INTRODUCTION
TO KIZAVNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Kizavnu means "we lied" or "we were false." Its most
famous use in the Bible is in Psalms 116:11: kol ha'adam kozev, everyone
is false. The literal translation of that verse is: the whole person is
false. Most of us don't lie on the witness stand or perpetrate other heinous
falsehoods. Nevertheless, there is a way in which, for each of us, our
whole personhood is false. So often, we are simply fake. We try to please
people by saying what we think they want to hear. In the name of protecting
ourselves, we fail to be true to ourselves or fully honest with others.
It's time to admit that this "protection" is hurting more than
helping. Most people see through our masks anyway. God knows all. Falsehood
wears on the soul. That may be why the noun form of the root k.z.v. means
disappointing, as well as deceptive. The reflexive verbal form also means
to disappoint. Truth is God's seal - and a better way.
DAY
TWELVE - KIZAVNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "The truth is: I have been false.
Let me start by telling the truth." Set the alarm for five to fifteen
minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your
thoughts as they arise, and promptly release them, to the best of your
ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return
your focus to your breath or to the statement you have written. When the
alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room.
If you wish, make some notes on what you gleaned during the meditation.
Today, be especially scrupulous about telling the truth and being true
to yourself. Notice when you miss the mark. Know that your meditation
will bear good fruit.
DAY THIRTEEN - INTRODUCTION
TO LATZNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Latznu means we have scorned or mocked. Proverbs 9:12 teaches: "If
you scorn, you alone shall bear it." By mocking, we intend to diminish
the object of our scorn. We may (sadly) achieve that, but we certainly
diminish ourselves.
DAY
THIRTEEN - LATZNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have mocked, scorned, derided,
made fun of, "joked about," and denigrated. Thereby, I have
hurt others, trivialized what was important, ignored what was good, acted
superior, and missed out on many positive connections." Read that
confession and feel its weight, its sadness. Set the alarm for five to
fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, allow your eyes to close, and breathe deeply.
Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them, to the
best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue,
return your focus to your breath or to the statement you have written.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Make some notes on your meditation, if you wish. If there is
someone you need to apologize to, call them today. Your meditation will
bear fruit in new attitudes and new actions.
DAY FOURTEEN - INTRODUCTION
TO MARADNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Maradnu means "we have rebelled." In the Bible, it refers both
to political rebellion and to rebellion against God. Job talks about mordei
ohr, those who rebel against the light (24:13). That is a fair description
of most of us, at one time or another. Just as our ancestors were afraid
to approach Mt. Sinai, we resist basking in God's light and Presence.
DAY
FOURTEEN - MARADNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have rebelled against rightful
authority." Pause and notice what comes immediately to mind. Make
a note about it. Then write, " I have resisted the Light." Again,
notice what immediately comes to mind and record it. Set the alarm for
five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
Observe your thoughts as they arise, and promptly release them, to the
best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue,
return your focus to your breath or to the confessions you have written.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. If you wish, make some notes on what you gleaned during the
meditation. You have planted a seed with this meditation, and it will
bear good fruit.
DAY FIFTEEN- INTRODUCTION
TO NIATZNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Niatznu means "we have spurned or shown contempt." In the context
of Israel's relationship with God, it can mean "we have blasphemed"
by showing contempt for God (II Samuel 12:14). Hezekiah said: "This
day is a day of trouble and of correction and of blasphemy (ne'atzah);
for the children have come to the [moment of] birth, and there is not
strength to bring them forth….Therefore, lift up a prayer for the
remnant who are left" (II Kings 19:3f; Isaiah 37:3f). When we spurn
or show contempt for what is holy, we lack the strength to bring forth
our dreams and birth a better world. Having made it through one more year,
we are the remnant who are left. Let us spend our time and energy in gratitude,
not in contempt.
DAY
FIFTEEN - NIATZNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have shown contempt."
Pause and notice what comes immediately to mind. Make a note about it.
Then write, "Contempt has sapped my strength and distanced me from
what is holy." Again, notice what immediately comes to mind and record
it. Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your
eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly
release them, to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or
mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the
confessions you have written. When the alarm sounds, gently open your
eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. If you wish, make some notes
on what you gleaned during the meditation. You are part of the remnant.
You still have life, energy, and dreams. With this meditation, you have
planted a seed. May it bear good fruit.
DAY SIXTEEN - INTRODUCTION
TO SARARNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Sararnu, like maradnu, can be translated, "we have rebelled,"
but m.r.d. refers more to the act of rebelling, while s.r.r. connotes
the quality of being rebellious and stubborn. The famous rebellious child
of Deuteronomy is called ben sorer umoreh. Psalm 68:7 identifies this
attitude of stubborn rebelliousness as a particularly entrenched trait,
which is difficult to overcome: "God gives the lonely ones a home
to dwell in; God leads out the prisoners to prosperity; but the rebellious
dwell in a parched land."
DAY
SIXTEEN - SARARNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have been stubborn."
Pause and notice what comes immediately to mind. Consider what stubbornness
has cost you. Make some notes, if you wish. Sit quietly and see if you
can be flexible with your stubbornness. Can you be patient with it? Stubbornly
attacking your stubbornness will not heal it :. Awareness, action, and
forgiveness will. Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts
as they arise and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus
to your breath or to the confession "I have been stubborn."
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. If you wish, make some notes on what you learned during the
meditation. With this meditation, you have planted a seed. May it bear
good fruit.
DAY SEVENTEEN- INTRODUCTION
TO AVINU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
In the Bible, the word avon refers to three things: iniquity, guilt for
iniquity, and punishment for iniquity. The illusion or miscalculation
of the sinner in the crucial moment of choice is that s/he can derive
immediate gratification from the sin, but avoid guilt and punishment,
or postpone them indefinitely. It is built into Biblical Hebrew that iniquity
cannot be separated from its consequences.
DAY SEVENTEEN- AVINU MEDITATION by
Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "I have sinned." Pause and
notice what comes immediately to mind. Make a note about it. Then write,
"I am guilty of sin." Again, notice what immediately comes to
mind, and record it. Finally, write: "I have paid a price for sin."
Notice what first comes to mind and make a note of that, too. Set the
alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe
deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them,
to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal
dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the confessions you have
written. When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself
to the room. You've done the deed, been judged, and paid the price. These
days leading up to the New Year are your opportunity to take responsibility
for the sin, repent, and release it. You deserve to stop carrying this
baggage! You deserve teshuvah! Record in your notebook one change you
could make in thought and one step you could take in deed, to heal and
release your sin. Choose one of those two or another specific action that
you can commit to. Now record a date by which you will fulfill your commitment.
May your choices bear good fruit.
DAY EIGHTEEN - INTRODUCTION
TO PASHANU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Pashanu means "we have transgressed," and it implies a serious
transgression. In modern Hebrew, one translation is "felony."
Like avon, pesha refers not just to the sin itself, but to the guilt or
punishment that follows from it. Pesha can even refer to a sacrifice made
in atonement for a transgression (Micah 6:7), letting us know that repentance
is intimately tied up with sin, and that sin holds the seed of repentance
in it.
DAY
EIGHTEEN - PASHANU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "Repentance is embedded in even
the worst of my sins." Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes.
Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts
as they arise and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus
to your breath or to the confession you have written. When the alarm sounds,
gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take a few moments
to list some of your many options with regard to teshuvah. In what ways
is repentance accessible and available to you? What avenues of repentance
are open? Choose one specific action you will take today. Your awareness
is bearing good fruit.
DAY NINETEEN- INTRODUCTION
TO TZARARNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The noun tzar means "adversary" and the verb tzarar means "to
treat like an adversary": specifically, to oppress, vex, show hostility
to, compete with, or be sharp to.
DAY
NINETEEN - TZARARNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "How do I treat others, myself,
and God as adversaries?" Sit with the question, and give some time
and thought to all three parties. Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes.
Close your eyes and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise
and promptly release them, to the best of your ability. If you become
distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath
or to the question you have written. When the alarm sounds, gently open
your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take a few moments to remember
times when you treated others, yourself, and God as allies and friends.
What can you do today to be a better friend and ally? May your intentions
bear good fruit.
DAY TWENTY- INTRODUCTION
TO KISHINU OREF by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Kishinu oref literally means "we have stiffened our necks."
Figuratively, it means we have been inflexible and stubborn.
DAY
TWENTY - KISHINU OREF MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. Start
with a short physical experiment: Tighten all your muscles, intensely,
for several seconds. Squint your eyes shut; clench your fists; create
isometric tension everywhere; feel that extreme tightness. Then, all at
once, release your muscles. Become limp and pliable, letting out a deep
breath. Repeat a few times. Notice how much energy it takes to stay stiff.
Notice what a relief it is when you let go and become "soft."
On a blank page in the notebook write: "How am I rigid and stubborn,
particularly in persisting with bad acts or destructive thoughts?"
Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Close your eyes and breathe
deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them,
to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal
dialogue, deliberately tighten and then release your muscles. Return your
focus to your breath or to the question you have written. When the alarm
sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Take
a few moments to consider if there is any way your inflexibility can serve
a positive purpose. Could you be stubborn and inflexible about your own
teshuvah, for example? May even your negative qualities be mobilized to
serve your highest good. And may your awareness yield supple fruit
DAY TWENTY-ONE - INTRODUCTION
TO RASHANU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Rashanu means "we have done evil" or "we have done harm."
Wickedness is by its nature destructive. In this sense, there are no victimless
sins.
DAY
TWENTY-ONE - RASHANU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "How have I done evil or harm?"
Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Close your eyes and relax.
Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them, to the
best of your ability. Breathe deeply through any defensiveness or pain.
If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return your focus
to your breath or to the question you have written. When the alarm sounds,
gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room. Is there any
repair you can make? Is there anyone of whom you need to ask forgiveness?
If you are unsure or skeptical, is there anyone who might advise you about
what you could do to heal any harm you have caused or to help an offended
party feel whole? Take the appropriate steps to ensure that this meditation
bears good fruit.
DAY TWENTY-TWO- INTRODUCTION
TO SHIHATNU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
In this causative form, the root s.h.t. means to ruin, destroy, spoil,
corrupt or pervert. Proverbs 6:32 is a prime example: "Whoever commits
adultery lacks understanding. Anyone who does so perverts/corrupts/destroys
his soul."
DAY
TWENTY-TWO - SHIHATNU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "What understanding or heart
knowledge am I lacking (hasar lev) that could help me stop ruining, destroying,
spoiling, corrupting, perverting? What do I need to know?" Set the
alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them, to the
best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue,
return your focus to your breath or to the questions you have written.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes. What do you know now, in
this moment - from this meditation or from before - that can help you
reverse and heal destructive patterns? What do you understand now - from
this meditation or from before - about how to improve, create, legitimize,
and make righteous whatever you have corrupted? May your inquiry bear
good fruit.
DAY TWENTY-THREE- INTRODUCTION
TO TA'INU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Ta'ainu means "we have erred" or "we have wandered."
When Hagar wanders in the desert, physically and spiritually lost, this
is the Hebrew root that describes her movement (Genesis 21:14).
DAY
TWENTY-THREE - TA'INU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "In some regards, I have lost
my way." Set the alarm for five to fifteen minutes. Close your eyes,
relax, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly
release them, to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or
mired in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the
confession you have written. When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes.
What path do you need to pursue now? Would it be suitable to change course
or ask for directions? Perhaps you have the map you need already. Take
a few moments to consider being lost and being found - here and now. As
you move and walk today, imagine that every step you take is helping you
move spiritually in the direction you need to go. Baruch ata Adonai eloheynu
melech ha'olam hamechin mitzadei gaver. Blessed are you, God, Ruler of
the universe, who guides our steps.
DAY TWENTY-FOUR - INTRODUCTION
TO TITANU by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Titanu is a causative of the same root as ta'inu, and it means "we
have caused (or led) others to go astray." Just as someone who prompts
others to give tzedakah is considered even more praiseworthy than someone
who simply gives, anyone who causes others to sin is more culpable than
someone who strays on his or her own.
DAY
TWENTY-FOUR - TITANU MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On
a blank page in the notebook write: "To whom am I a teacher and example?"
Close your eyes, relax, and breathe deeply. Observe your thoughts as they
arise and promptly release them, to the best of your ability. When the
alarm sounds, take out your notebook and do "automatic writing"
for another five minutes - i.e., keep your hand moving across the page,
answering the question. You can list people and ideas that came to you
during the meditation or that occur to you at the moment of the writing.
You don't have to manufacture disciples, but be creative, and stretch
to think of more people, places, and circumstances with whom or where
you have the power to lead. At the end of five minutes, recite this Rabbinic
quotation: "I have learned much from my teachers, more from my colleagues,
but most of all from my students." You have completed one meditation
on each word in the Viddui prayer. May your awareness and intentions bear
good fruit.
DAY TWENTY-FIVE - INTRODUCTION
TO VE'AL KULAM by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The Al Chet prayer names an even greater number and variety of sins than
the Viddui. Each line begins "al chet shechatanu lefanecha be…"
"for the sin we have sinned before you in…." The sins cover
everything from mocking parents and teachers, to licentiousness, to turning
our backs on the poor. The refrain is "ve'al kulam - And for all
these [sins we have named], O God of forgiveness, forgive us, pardon us,
grant us atonement." The ultimate goal of the confessional prayers
is to move beyond guilt and confession to repentance and forgiveness.
DAY
TWENTY-FIVE - VE'AL KULAM MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The phrase "ve'al kulam" is expansive and inclusive. "For
all these things" covers everything you did - even the misdeeds you
forgot about, minimized, made excuses for, or felt justified in. Bring
a small notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On a blank
page in the notebook write: "Let all my sins be clear to me. Let
my awareness include everything I need to know." Set the alarm for
five to fifteen minutes. Close your eyes and relax. Observe your thoughts
as they arise and promptly release them, to the best of your ability.
Breathe deeply through any resistance. If you become distracted or mired
in internal dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the prayer
you have written. When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate
yourself to the room. Make some notes about anything you learned. Repeat
the prayer you have written out loud. Today and every day, may your awareness
continually grow and expand. Attend to the messages you receive, and they
will bear good fruit.
DAY TWENTY-SIX - INTRODUCTION
TO SELAH by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The root s.l.h means to forgive or pardon, and it used Biblically to refer
to God forgiving us. The words we repeat on Kol Nidrei night are God's
statement of forgiveness following the incident of the spies: salahti
kidevarecha; I have forgiven, according to your [plea]" (Numbers
14:20).
DAY
TWENTY-SIX - SELAH MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On a blank
page in the notebook write: "Is there anyone who has requested forgiveness
from me, whom I have - openly or secretly - refused to forgive completely?"
Pause and notice whoever comes to mind. (Be sure to include yourself,
if applicable.) Make a note about your thoughts. Then write, "How
can I imitate God and forgive, despite the deed, whatever its magnitude?"
Again, notice what immediately comes to mind and record it. Set the alarm
for five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe
deeply. Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them,
to the best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal
dialogue, return your focus to your breath or to the questions you have
written. When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself
to the room. Each day, as the High Holidays approach, may your heart soften
more and more. May you be known to yourself and to the world as a salhan:
a forgiving, merciful, and gracious human being.
DAY TWENTY-SEVEN - INTRODUCTION
TO MEHAL by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
The root m.h.l. means to pardon, forgive, yield, forgo, remit, or renounce.
When someone commits a sin against you, you can describe that as a spiritual
i.o.u. The offending party owes an apology and restitution. But trying
to collect a debt from a person who doesn't have sufficient resources
will only exhaust you. So when the reparation is incomplete or entirely
owing, we can nevertheless decide to forgo payment. We let go of the expectation
that we will be made whole on a particular debt, in order to be more whole,
peaceful, and happy. God is willing to forgive us for our inabilities
and incapacities. Can we also forgive?
DAY
TWENTY-SEVEN - MEHAL MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On a blank
page in the notebook write: "What habit, quality, or mindset would
I need to cultivate in order to be more forgiving in general?" Pause
and notice whoever comes to mind. Make a note about your thoughts. Then
write, "What habit, quality, or mindset would I need to cultivate
in order to more easily forgo and let go of old i.o.u.'s?" Again,
notice what immediately comes to mind and record it. Set the alarm for
five to fifteen minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply.
Observe your thoughts as they arise and promptly release them, to the
best of your ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue,
return your focus to your breath or to the questions you have written.
When the alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to
the room. Each day, as the High Holidays approach, may the qualities you
seek grow more and more in you.
DAY TWENTY-EIGHT - INTRODUCTION
TO KAPER by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
K.p.r. means to atone or propitiate. It also has the connotation of substitution.
In the Bible, the scapegoat effects atonement by serving as the repository
for the sins of the Israelites. When the goat is exiled, it symbolically
carries away their sins. A goat dies instead of the people. In Yiddish,
a kaparah is something bad that happens, which is considered a substitute
for something even worse that might have happened. For example, if you
have a minor illness, your grandmother may declare it a kaparah against
a more serious one - pooh, pooh. In some way, atonement always involves
substitutions: substituting new habits for old, substituting awareness
for denial, substituting repentance for shame.
DAY
TWENTY-EIGHT - KAPER MEDITATION
by Rabbi Debra Orenstein:
Bring a notebook and a timer or alarm clock to a quiet place. On a blank
page in the notebook write: "What am I willing to do instead of the
sin that I most typically fall into? With what shall I replace it - in
behavior, time, and energy?" Pause and notice whatever comes to mind.
Make a note about your thoughts. Then set the alarm for five to fifteen
minutes. Sit quietly, close your eyes, and breathe deeply. Observe your
thoughts as they arise and promptly release them, to the best of your
ability. If you become distracted or mired in internal dialogue, return
your focus to your breath or to the questions you have written. When the
alarm sounds, gently open your eyes and acclimate yourself to the room.
Record any insights or intentions you want to remember. Today, as Rosh
Hashanah fast approaches, consciously do things differently. Eat a new
food instead of your usual. Call someone you otherwise wouldn't. Listen
to a new radio station. With these minor substitutions, you are planting
a seed for transformation. May that seed bear luscious fruit.
Copyright 2005, Rabbi Debra Orenstein
Meditations on Shofar, by Michael Chusid
