Do you have a rear windshield wiper on your vehicle? Do you actually know where the switch is, and exactly how to turn it on? (Maybe you can show me exactly how to operate mine!). Earlier this fall, before the rain, I accidentally turned the wiper controls in such a way that surprised me. It seemed like - out of nowhere - that rear windshield wiper turned on. I had stumbled upon the action and could not repeat it if I tried. Immediately and fondly, I heard the voices of my parents of blessed memory saying,"[I] had to be lost to find it!" They would often get a kick out of using this idiom. Recently I was counseling a woman, Mia. She’s had 2 miscarriages over the last years. The most recent loss had been on her mind, which prompted our phone call. As we spoke, she was surprised to realize that it was a year ago - almost to the day - that she had miscarried. I was not surprised. The subconscious knows when yahrzeits and anniversaries are upon us. I listened to her express sadness and dashed hopes. In the beginning of the bereavement, all she could do was keep busy. Now that this grief had been re-awakened, she wanted to know, "How do I move forward? I can't stop thinking about it." We talked about different rituals she could experiment with: writing a letter, lighting a candle, bereavement and infertility support groups, or creating a dance piece. She sounded hungry to hear about each one. As I spoke about a particular grief counseling method, The Grief Recovery Method, she became even more curious. She said, "You know, it's funny, I think I bought the book written on the topic about 10 years ago. It was suggested to me, but I never actually read it." She became more and more interested, then eagerly went to find the book. When she returned, she sounded thrilled to realize that, indeed, it was the book of which we were speaking. She got quiet and then expressed astonishment as she read an index card tucked into the title page, in her husband's handwriting. Mia is Chinese and her husband is not. Years ago he was learning Chinese language symbols. On this index card, her husband had written a Chinese symbol. On the flip side was the corresponding English word. Mia exclaimed with tears of awe the meaning of the Chinese symbol tucked into this long- forgotten book about grief: Birthday. Chills went up my arms. She texted me a photo of the corresponding word in her husband's own handwriting. Amid the difficulty of the grief, there was there was this profound message of hope. The reminder of birth was right there in that grief book - to which she was led at this particular time of reawakened grief - and it brought her incredible comfort and awe. Sometimes we need to be shown something we did not know was there all the time. Our Torah reading this week Vayetzei tells us about Jacob's dream about angels. Jacob had just stolen his brothers blessing and escaped the fury of his brother. Though Jacob knew the way to his Uncle Lavan's family, Jacob was "lost" in a sense, having lost touch with his true nature. When he awakens from his amazing dream with God’s angels and God speaking to him, Jacob says, "God was in this place and I, I did not know it." God was in this place and I, I did not know it. How is God in your life and you have not known it? Friends, we don't need to be lost to find holiness. We get lost in our own thoughts, lost in decision making, lost in emotions, and lost in how we communicate in some of our relationships. To discover the awe of God in this place, right here, wherever we happen to be, we only need to be open so the Source of Life can reach us. Follow the tug like Mia did to not only reach out for support, but also to open that book to find an "angel card" with a message of hope. Open to the messages of your dreams. When you feel lost, especially when you feel lost - be it in grief like Mia or trying to run from your actions like Jacob - the best place to be is where you are, because God is in this place, whether or not we know it. Don't. Miss. God! #Jewishhealing #Mindfulness #Jewishla #shalom #spirituality #jewishspirituality #gratitude #rabbi #mitzvah #jew #jewish #goodnews #awe #shehechianu #torah #judaism #kosher #mitzvah #jewishlife * #God #consciousliving #grief * #griefjourney